INDIANAPOLIS — Turning the key that unlocks the door to her Indianapolis apartment is a simple act that takes seconds. For 24-year-old Donesha Washington, though, that simple act represents so much more.
"This is my space. No one can come in here and take this from me," Washington said.
She knows what it's like to feel like she doesn't quite belong anywhere. Washington spent much of her life in Indiana's foster care system.
"I was a child, taken the day I was born, because we had drugs in our system," Washington explained, speaking about her mom's addiction to heroin.
It set Washington on a lifelong course of moving between foster homes and residential facilities, sometimes being allowed to go back to live with her mom, when her mom was clean and sober.
"Foster care has always been a part of my story," Washington said.
That story, though, took a tragic turn when Washington was just 12 years old and her mother died of an overdose.
"Everything went silent, and from there, everything has been silent," Washington said.
It's been in that silence, those moments of quiet reflection, curled up near the window of her apartment, writing in her journal, that Washington has found healing and her voice.
"It's one of those things that it either builds you or it breaks you," she said of her experiences growing up.
She now speaks with other foster kids, especially older ones, who have lived most of their lives in foster care, without ever reuniting with a parent or being adopted.
"I was once that 12-year-old," Washington recalled.
She often has a question for the children with whom she speaks.
"I do ask them like, 'Do you ever think about what would have happened or are you sad that you weren't adopted?'"
"It's more yesses than nos," Washington said.
"I feel like a lot of people are ashamed to say, 'I wasn't wanted, but I wanted to be with a family who wanted me,'" Washington explained.
As of August, the Indiana Department of Child Services says there are 9,242 Hoosier children in foster care.
Of those, 54% were placed with relatives, 40% were in non-relative foster homes and the remainder were in residential facilities, like group homes.
Being in foster care does not mean a child is legally free to be adopted. State law requires that reunification with a parent is the first option, if that's a safe option. A legal process is required to be followed before a court determines whether a parent's rights should be terminated.
Right now, there are 157 foster kids up for adoption through the state's Indiana Adoption Program. The average age of those children is 12.
Kids over 14 must consent to the adoption. A DCS spokesperson said sometimes, those kids don't give that consent.
For those kids, or the ones who have not settled in with a long-term foster family, aging out of the system can feel daunting.
"Sometimes when they're 16, if they haven't found that family placement, they're ready to figure out what's next for them," said Maggie Stevens, president and CEO of Foster Success, a nonprofit that helps Indiana foster kids move into adulthood, up until they're 26.
"A big part of our work is to make sure our young people feel heard, supported and empowered," Stevens said.
Foster Success helps with everything from financial literacy and credit building, to buying a first car and writing a resume. The state also has programs for foster children after they turn 18, up until the age of 23.
"One of the things I love about our work and our mission here at Foster Success is that we can work with young people regardless of their relationship with DCS," Stevens said. "We can support them until their 26th birthday, so even those who are leaning on the state, participating in state programs, we can continue to support them even longer."
Washington is one of those still taking part in Foster Success, and she's also helping talk with younger teens in the program about their experiences in the foster care system.
"I'm just trying to make sure that with the knowledge that I've gained from the system, that I'm applying it and making sure that I can be a part of that change that I want to see," Washington said.
As for her own future, Washington is well on her way. She's already graduated from Ivy Tech with a degree in mortuary science. This past August, she started classes at IU Indianapolis.
She often wears a T-shirt with one of her favorite quotes, "Let Yourself Feel It All."
"This is a quote I'm living by," Washington said.
She is letting herself feel it all and says she's grateful for every moment.