BLOOMINGTON, Ind. — Hundreds of motorcycles lined up at the Harley-Davidson Bloomington for The Combat Veteran Motorcycle Association annual bike rally to raise awareness and support prevention of veteran suicide.
In the past, this event raised funds for veteran focused suicide prevention organizations. But this year, they’re raising funds for families impacted directly by suicide. The Combat Veteran Motorcycle Association (CVMA) of Indiana "has been involved in the escort of several service members who have died as a result of suicide. So this year we’re gathering support and financial assistance, if necessary, to specific families through the state of Indiana,” said Chaplain for CVMA Indiana Lonnie Sutterfield.
Sutterfield said that within the last nine months he’s provided funeral escorts for three veterans who took their own lives “one of those hit me significantly hard.”
Grieving a loss to suicide is a type of unimaginable pain that sears the heart in a way that only those who have experienced truly understand. And veterans, no matter whether they are battle buddies or not, are a family.
“When you notice you have similarities to the veteran who had died, when you have similar relationships, family structure, children, similar branches of service, you can identify with an individual in a very personal way,” said Sutterfield.
But that’s why the CVMA, a community of veterans who love motorcycles, are there.
“We recognize that tendency in each of us. So, when we notice someone speaking a way that represents that inner struggle all of a sudden, we come together. When I had a very difficult reaction to a recent suicide that reminded me of one in the Marine Corps, I went to a very dark place but it wasn’t even 30 seconds of me posting something that just sounded very dark that I had multiple members of my CMVA chapter reaching out to me,” said Sutterfield.
The suicide rate for Veterans is at least 1.5 times that of non-veterans according to Veteran Affairs (VA).
But that rate is form 2017. The statistic is both pre-pandemic and pre-isolation.
The founder of a local veteran and first responder organization called 1st MVRS said the isolation of 2020 is concerning to him when it comes to the mental health of veterans.
“That’s one thing you find out about veterans, particularly those who have been in the war they don’t really talk a lot about their problems, but that’s the problem, that’s why we’re bringing out awareness,” said Charles Dodson. But there are plenty of resources out there like the 24-hour suicide prevention hotline 1-800-273-8255 and the veteran specific suicide prevention organization Mission 22.
“It can be better, even if it seems like right now it won't, it can, and as a mom, they need to know that,” said Amee Curry.
Amee grew up in a military family. Her husband of 27 years, Michael, served more than two decades.
“Being retired military, I’ve experienced that. I’ve been through therapy, because you’re always told mission first keep it down,” said Michael, who has served in both Iraq and Afghanistan.
But the "mission first, keep it down" mentality is one that many rely on to survive in a hostile environment or a conflict zone. And it doesn’t work in all of multitude of dimensions that encompass in one’s life. In some cases, the very mentality that can keep one alive when there are multiple threats around them, can be the very mentality that is a threat in all other aspects of one’s life in a non-hostile environment.
“My father passed away in 2010 and it didn’t even phase me. I put it on the back burner. ‘Mission first, mission first’,” said Michael.
“I had friends die in Iraq and Afghanistan. ‘Mission first, mission first.’ So, essentially it was ‘death happens, oh well. It’s just another day in the life,’” said Michael.
“And then I started doing it with (Amee) and started doing it with my kids. She would need emotional support and I was not there. My kids would need emotional support, I was not there. So (my wife and I) and my daughter sat down and had a talk, and it came to a point where I was either going to loose my family or I was going to get help. And I choose my family,” said Michael.
Michael said he’s grateful he sought therapy.
“I still have my demons, I will for the rest of my life,” said Michael.
“But now he has the tools to deal with them,” Amee added.
Both Amee and Michael came from military families. So they encouraged their children to enlist as well. And they’re proud that three of their four children enlisted. And their daughter is attending Ball State and wants to be a psychologist so that she can work with veterans battling PTSD. Michael and Amee said they were shocked when their son Chris told them he had joined the military.
“You could have knocked me over with a feather,” said Michael.
Both Amee and Michael said Chris wore his heart on his sleeve and they always thought he was going to become a veterinarian. They said they were proud of Chris when he joined the Army.
“The first time we saw him in uniform, he was in formation getting ready to be released and he was trying his hardest not to smile,” said Michael as his wife laughed remembering her son’s expression.
As a military family, the Currys knew deployment was part of serving and sometimes that meant being in a war zone.
“It’s about doing a service to your country, and the good comes with the bad,” said Michael. “I did a tour in Iraq and two tours in Afghanistan. So the kids knew what to expect with that."
Chris had been in Iraq for about nine months and while he was overseas his parents received a call from their daughter that a military chaplain was at their home.
“When we walked in, the biggest question I had was, which one?” said Michael knowing that three of his children were servicemembers and away from home.
Amee said that “as a mother, you just know.”
“I knew it was Chris and he wasn’t coming home alive,” she said.
The Currys don’t know how their son died and they said the military told them that there were three separate investigations into his death. They said that all they were told was that it was not combat-related.
Both Michael and Amee said the lack of closure is the hardest part.
But seeing their brothers and sisters come together to support veterans as a whole is why they’re here.
“It’s not about our son, it’s not about somebody else’s son, it’s about us as a whole, all the vets out there who are suffering from these demons,” said Michael.
If you or someone you know is thinking of hurting themselves, veteran or not, you can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 24 hours a day at 1-800-273-8255