GREENWOOD, Ind. — With Valentine’s Day coming up, 13News education expert Mrs. Jennifer Brinker from Greenwood Middle School discussed the elements and stages of young love and how parents can be prepared to deal with it.
Gina Glaros, 13News: What would you tell a parent who is shocked because their elementary-aged student comes home saying they have a boyfriend or girlfriend? What would be your advice on how to react to this?
Mrs. Brinker: I will start by saying that it is a very personal thing for each family to decide about what your policy is on this topic. This puppy love stage would be considered pre-dating. This is the time they are laying the groundwork for how future relationships will go. I can tell parents what not to do, which is to discredit a child's feelings or make lots of jokes about it to other people or tease your child. If you do this, they won’t tell you the important things later on when relationships become more serious. I suggest that parents guide the conversation by asking your child what they like about the other person. Point out the importance of being kind, being a good friend and being loyal - all the things you hope your child will have in a partner someday. I would refrain from asking if they are cute. Things like that are superficial and, while physical attraction is important, it is not what you want your child focusing on.
Gina Glaros, 13News: After that pre-dating stage, what would come next?
Mrs. Brinker: The next stage is actually mini-dating, which is usually later in middle school or early high school, but these stages come at different times for many kids. This is the time they are going on actual dates and experiencing more intense feelings. Before this time, it is important that they have been able to observe healthy relationships, but it is even more important that you have those conversations. What does safe dating look like? How can you respect the other person? What does consent look like? All sorts of depictions in the media, on TV and in movies, are surrounding the kids. Talk about which relationships are healthy and which ones aren’t, and please make sure you talk to them about boundaries with their bodies, as well.
Gina Glaros, 13News: So next up is big-time dating. How do parents tackle this?
Mrs. Brinker: Hopefully you have laid the groundwork so your child will talk to you during this young love, more intense phase. Remember that their head, heart, and hormones are still not fully working until their mid-twenties, so you have to set boundaries for them and watch what is happening carefully. If you feel that your child is experiencing intimacy that they are not ready for, you have to have those difficult conversations with them. You can’t ignore this, no matter how uncomfortable it may be.
Gina Glaros, 13News: Any final advice?
Mrs. Brinker: I say it all the time. Your children are always watching you and modeling behavior after you. You have to surround them with examples of healthy relationships. I also want to remind parents that the way we parents speak to our children teaches them the way that their partner can speak to them someday, so your relationship from parent to child is a very important one!